A New Year's Grace

Last year I posted at the end of January declaring that the only resolution I usually keep is the one not to make any more resolutions (I Cannot Come Down).  I'm happy to say that I did in fact kept that resolution for 2012.  I wish I could say that for 2013 I am making a list and am determined to check off all sorts of excellent accomplishments one by one over the next 365 days.  The problem is that I know myself too well.  In the past I have had lots of good intentions at which I've failed spectacularly (keep my desk straight, eat more healthfully, tame the pile of paperwork, write for 30 minutes a day, pray for 30 minutes a day, exercise 30 minutes a day, keep some margin in my life, remember to take my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store, etc.).  We all know where the road paved with good intentions leads so I have started looking at the daunting task of New Years Resolutions in a different light.  Instead of piling on expectations for myself I'm choosing to live under the grace in which I stand in Christ Jesus and to rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (Romans 5:2).  

There's nothing wrong with setting goals and accomplishing them.  In fact, I require it in my home.  I am very motivated by the goals I set for myself.  God gives us the ability to be self controlled and self disciplined through the Holy Spirit and it would be foolhardy to decide to float through life reacting to whatever comes along.  

Sometimes though, I've been known to set goals without ascertaining whether they are goals that Drew wants or goals that Jesus wants.  Inevitably, when they are "because I think this is a good thing to do" me-centered goals they flop.  I put pressure and guilt on myself that He never intended me to bear.  Even the seemingly spiritual "read my Bible every day" if done in the flesh becomes more of a check in the box than a relationship builder between my Father and I as it should be.  Likewise as innocuous as the goals of keeping my desk straight or remembering to bring those bags to the store seem, I can beat myself up pretty badly when I feel that I've failed.  I tell myself that other people can do it and I should be able to do it too.  All of the little things that I don't have under control can combine into a viscious ball of guilt.  It's not that I am a total mess (usually) but I know I could do better.  

The problem with this thinking is that it is has a root in pride.  It all comes down to what I can do in my own strength.  Pride is my nemesis.    Apparently I am not alone because the Bible addresses this problem a lot.  Even the attempt at false humility is prideful- go figure!  Whatever I decide to take the reins of and control in my own power, without giving glory to God, (apart from Whom I can do nothing- John 15:5), is an object of pride.  My neat desk.  My organized homeschool.  My healthful meals. My 30 minutes of prayer.  My ("You go green girl!") reusable shopping bags.  

James 4 addresses my problem with laser precision. Read verses 1- 10:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴ You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? ⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but gives grace to the humble.”^[b]

⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

When the focus of my goal or of my asking God for direction or blessing is self-motivated instead of Christ-motivated it leads to unfulfilled, unholy desires and opposition from God.  The only way to change this is to humble myself under His mighty hand so He can lift me up.  It's no good trying to lift myself up through bootstrap will power and pride.  He only gives grace to me when my heart comes to Him in humility.  His Spirit in me "envies intensely'.  God will not NOT be glorified in me.  His plans for my life are perfect and He doesn't want anything in my life to take His place.  He says that the reason I want things and I don't get them is because I pridefully make plans instead of submitting myself to Him and drawing near to Him.

James goes on to say this in verses 13-17:

"Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins."

My attitude should be: If it is the Lord's will, I will live and do this or that.  I will live.  Indeed, unless it is His will I can't even live!  That's a great place from which to start- knowing that apart from Him I can do nothing. If my plans aren't His plans they aren't going anywhere.

So, again, there's nothing wrong with making plans or setting goals, expectations and hopes for yourself.  Formulating plans, goals and expectations and then asking God to bless them is wrong.  It's backwards.   Instead we ought to ask Him what we should pursue, submit ourselves to His will and leave room for His sovereignty and grace in all of our plans.  We need to hold them all with an open hand.  This is difficult because although I am no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6), I still live with the effects of my sinful nature. The tighter I hold on to my plans the more it hurts when God's plan is different from mine. That's why I am so thankful that He gives me more grace (v.6).  

Wouldn't you know, God is giving me more grace right this minute?  I am content to stand in this grace and wait to see what His plans are for me this year.  I'm going to try to ask Him what He wants for me and not make assumptions, goals, resolutions or plans without Him.     

 It's easy for me to understand that my life here on earth in this body is a vaporous mist, and yet I am living a real life with a real future (Jeremiah 29:11).  The prospect of a New Year is filled with all sorts of possibilities.  I look forward with humility and joy to the plans He has for me this year as He makes me more like Him by His grace.  

All is Neither Calm, nor Bright

A couple of weeks ago we went through all of the gyrations needed to uncover our Christmas decorations and start getting ready for the season.  As my husband pulled out the boxes from their hiding place I started feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I really didn't have time to decorate this year.  Our kids are teenagers. They probably wouldn't have squawked too much if I'd put up a Charlie Brown tree but I know how much it means to have the house ready for this special season so I determined to go ahead and put some things up- but not go full tilt like I do with many things in my life.  So, one evening we set up the pre-lit tree (all 1200 bulbs finally conked out this year) and a few of my nativity scenes I've collected over the years.   My husband buys them for me when he travels abroad and I buy ones I think are pretty or unique. One of my favorites is a little manger scene inside a coconut.


As I unpacked our biggest scene this year I realized that baby Jesus was nowhere to be found.  Wherever he was, Joseph was also there because Joe was missing in action as well.  We went ahead and put the scene up because it is a pretty one.  Over the past few weeks we've been carrying on a family joke as the kids mix and match baby Jesus in the various manger scenes so He's not always missing from the same one.

  Last  night I came home and looked at them on my sideboy near our dining room table, each of them depicting a scene of peaceful bliss as shepherds, wisemen, cattle, sheep, Mary and Joseph look lovingly towards the manger.  Those scenes are kind of unrealistic.  In fact, I bet He gets a little chuckle out of them sometimes.

Jesus was born in a stinky stable in a messy world.  Mary and Joseph were far from relaxed as they tended to Him in that barn.  Life must have seemed out of control to them.  God had reassured Joseph and Mary separately that He had a plan and that they were a part of it.  Mary's son was to be the long awaited Messiah.  They knew in their hearts that He loved them and that He was more powerful than their circumstances.  But it didn't change the fact that they were on an emotional rollercoaster and that much of what they were experiencing was confusing, uncomfortable and difficult.  Nevertheless, it was true.  God was on His throne and they were squarely in the middle of His will.

I can relate to the raw emotion of the first Christmas right now.  Everything is not all calm and bright these days and yet I know that He still reigns.  Thank you, Lord for being Immanuel, God with us!  Thank you that you know what it is like to be a frail human.  Thank you for giving me hope through your son, Jesus.  That little baby in the manger-  my Savior and the reason for the season.   Help me keep my eyes on You.

A Post to Say that I Will be Posting

Bear with me as I move some of my previous posts from my former blog over to this one so more of them are in one place.  Sorry to those of you who get updates when there's a new post- the next few will be repeats.

How to Make a Home School Wiki

               
(Originally published as "Technology in the Homeschool: Gettin’ Your Wiki On" 9/30/11 on my previous blog.)

                 I spend a good deal of time gleaning the internet for information and resources to enhance our home school.  In my first year of homeschooling, I would find a website that looked promising and I’d write it down on a piece of paper so I could come back to it later if I ever needed it.  Sometimes I’d bookmark it.  Or put  a sticky on my computer.  This system started to deteriorate rapidly as my bookmark bar became overloaded and I could never find that piece of paper with the link to the really cool animation of mitosis.  I needed a solution to help me organize the cool and useful stuff I was finding.  That’s when I learned about wikis. 

             

              If you’re like me the first thing that pops into your head when you hear “wiki” is “not a credible source for research papers.”  Actually, that’s Wikipedia, which is one of about a gazillion wikis out there.   According to Wikipedia (I know, I know), a wiki is a website that allows the creation and editing of any number of interlinked web pages via a web browser using a simplified markup language or a WYSIWIG text editor…etc…  Whatever that is.  Don’t let the HTML talk scare you, it’s easier than it sounds. It’s just a great big organization tool to help you rein in the information dragon.   I attended a full day seminar teaching home schooling parents how to utilize a Wiki in the classroom and it has revolutionized the way we organize and manage the power of the internet for school. 

               The internet fosters collaboration and the sharing of knowledge.  As a result, incredible amounts (I think the technical term is “scads”) of information and data are added to the collective intelligence each day.  For those of us who are still trying to figure out how to play 10 simultaneous games of Words With Friends this can feel very overwhelming.  Suddenly, we not only have to tend to vast amount of laundry, lesson plans and healthful meals (and WWF) but we also have to somehow conquer and harness the internet and bring it under our dominion.  A place for everything and everything in its place.    This can be a fast and steep learning curve.   Sometimes it’s tempting to just pretend it’s not there.  Like that pile of papers we’ve been meaning to go through. 

               I remember when I was in high school one of my classmates at our private school showed up in the parking lot with a new car- that had a phone in it!  A no-kidding full-sized bat phone.  We were all amazed.  This was 1989 and we all thought it was ridiculously decadent and “out there”.  Who in the world talks on the phone while they are driving?  Who would they talk to anyway?  No one has phones in their car. You can always stop at a pay phone if you need to call someone.  Or just wait till you get home, for goodness sake!  Little did we know…20 years later we would be wondering what we did before we carried phones with us everywhere we went.  Technology makes it easy for people to stay connected  in ways we might not have thought possible.  Same with the Internet.  Technology is making it easy to get information.  The problem is what to do with it once you’ve got it.  That’s where it starts to feel daunting.  A wiki can help you organize information, media, resources, discussion threads, lists and collaborate with others.  It’s very versatile.

           Let me give you a more concrete example of one way you could use a wiki.  This year my son is taking Apologia Physics.  I have set up a page on the wiki called Apologia Physics 2011-2012.  Off of that page I have all of the book chapters listed and each one links to a separate page.  So for instance, I have “Chapter 4 Motion in Two Dimensions”.  On this page I have links to the lectures for Chapter 4 from an open source online Apologia Physics Class.  So there is a link for “Lecture 1- Navigation in two dimensions” and “Lecture 2- Range Equation”.  I’ve also linked to several Khan Academy lectures and physics sites in case he needs extra clarification.

            You can do this for any course.  Last year, I took the Apologia Exploring Creation with Physical Science curriculum and found links to videos and extra resources for many of the concepts in the chapters.   So for instance, one whole page was dedicated to Chapter 3 and on that page there were links to extra material for the kids to watch.  Yes, it took some time to search and gather information to put on the wiki but it helps to have it all in one place.  Plus, you can use the information year after year because it’s always right where you left it- on the wiki.

            I could walk you through all of the steps to setting up your wiki but someone has already beat me to it.  Thank goodness.  No sense in reinventing the wheel.  Here’s a tutorial called How to Build an Educational Wiki to get you started.  

            Not many things in life are free- but your wiki can be! Sign up for an account at WikiSpaces for Educators to get your free wiki.   Be sure you make it private unless you want to have it viewable and editable by everyone.

             One thing I will mention is to pay attention to whether you are linking to an internal page or an external page.  If you find a web page or video on You Tube you want to link to your wiki you should have it open in a separate external web page opened in a new window (click the box for new window) so it isn’t stored on your wiki.  Likewise, all private pages should be linked internally. 

              I am not terribly techie so if I can do it, you can probably do it even better.  If you are just getting started here’s how I suggest you organize your (very basic) wiki:

1. Click the Edit Navigation link and delete the blue Page List widget. Now you will be able to edit the navigation bar just like you would edit a wiki page to add links and explanatory text.

If you need assistance editing a page you can watch the very helpful Wikispaces video tours.  In fact, you should probably watch it right now before your proceed. All of the “Getting Started” video tutorials are great.  I’ve also had good success with their customer service when I needed to find out the answer to a question I couldn’t ascertain from the website. 

Now that the blue page list widget is gone, type in these words- one per line- and save.

Home

School Members

Classes

Resources

RSS Feeds

Now you should see these pages in a list in your navigation bar, which is probably on your right.

2. In your navigation bar, click on “Home”. This will take you to a page that says it does not exist yet.  Click on “Edit Page” and type an introduction of who you are and the purpose of the wiki.  For instance: “Welcome to the XYZ Home school Wiki!   Here’s where we post assignments, logs, links to websites and resources for our school. “ Save your page.

3. In your navigation bar, click on “School Members”. Click on Edit Page and type the names of your children and yourself.  One name per line.    

Highlight the first name in the list and click on “link” in the toolbar.  A box will open that has two tabs on it on the top.  One is for internal links to pages within your wiki- this is called “Wiki Link” and one to “External Links”. External links are for anything outside your wiki- like a You Tube video or a webpage address.   External links should always be opened in a new window.  Link these to internal pages with the same name as your highlighted text.

These personal pages can be used by each individual as a bulletin board where they can organize resources and fun stuff they find on the web. 

4. In your navigation bar, click on “Classes”.  Off of “Classes” make internal Wiki links to pages for each class you have and include information that will identify the specific student, subject and school year.     

For example: 8^th grade Art History- son#1- 2010-2011.

 Off of “Classes” make links to assignments, external videos, resources, finished work, etc.  (You could also put these class specific pages under each child’s section under “School Members”.)

5. In your navigation bar, make an internal link for “Resources”.  Off of this page make internal links to general subjects and topics.  For instance: Home school links, Co-op Resources, Stuff I want to read sometime, Curriculum, Inspiration, Technology,  Science, Literature, Math, Projects, Sports, Scouting, Music, Blog and Log, Administration, etc. Off of each of these you can create pages where you link to external websites, videos and  RSS Feeds.

5.  You may want to keep up with certain websites that have RSS feeds. In your navigation bar, make an internal link for “RSS feeds”.  Off of this page use the edit button and click on “Widget” to add a widget.  It will open a link where you can paste the RSS HTML  For the feeds you want to watch.

6.  If your family blogs or your have blogs you want to watch, you can make a page that keeps them all in one place.   I also link to internal logging charts I‘ve made using the “Table” button in the toolbar.  We use these to keep up with reading logs, volunteer service logs and physical fitness logs. (More on those later)

            You can use a wiki to collaborate on projects, reports, papers, or classes.  Just invite other people to join you and start working together.             

            I consider our Wiki to be “fair to middlin” as we say in the south. We use it almost daily and it serves us very well.   No doubt there is a ton more I could be doing with it and as soon as I fold this next basket of laundry I’m going to get right on it.  

            While I’m folding, I encourage you to poke around WikiSpaces for Education and give it a try. (You could also try Wet paint.) You’ll probably find ways to use a wiki that I haven’t even thought of.  If so, leave me a comment and do your civic duty of adding to the collective intelligence.  Let me know how you use your wiki in your home school!

Kid's Close Friendships: Helping Them Choose Wisely

(Originally published January 2012 on my previous blog.)

“The righteous choose their friends carefully but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Proverbs 12:26

”Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

You can’t choose your children’s friends but you can help them choose close friends wisely.  One of the things that my husband and I agreed on early in our marriage was that we would parent deliberately.  We thought about all of the ways people prepare and plan for big tasks in their lives- weddings, SAT’s, medical boards, driver’s licenses- and yet how easy it is to slide into parenting without a game plan.  So, we spend a lot of time talking about how and why we are doing the things we are doing with our children.  Each phase of life requires re-evaluation and preparation.  Time is so short with them and we want to be good stewards of the responsibility He’s given us. 

Friends are one of those areas.  When kids are little it’s easy to arrange playgroups and be aware of the people they interact with, especially other children.  But as they get older, it becomes a little more difficult.  We see in Proverbs and

1st Corinthians that God has plenty to say to us about friends and how we choose them.  These are important concepts to pass on to our children.  First of all, we are told to choose our friends carefully because otherwise we may be led astray.  Next, we are warned against being deceived into thinking we can be around bad company and not be affected.  Teenagers can be especially vulnerable to both of these pitfalls.

This is where we’ve started implementing some strategies that you may want to consider as well.

1.     Pray for close Christian friends for your children.  God has been so faithful to our family in this regard.  My daughter has had three close friends move in the past two years but each one moved in just as the other was moving out.  He provided friendships in His perfect timing.    He listens and knows the desires of your heart. 

2.     Cultivate family relationships.  Friendships are very important and should be encouraged but we always have to keep in mind that our relationships with siblings and parents will last a lifetime.  Many parents in the name of “letting their children grow up” actually let them grow away from the family during the teenage years.  They buy into the myth that kids can only mature outside of their parents. I believe it’s just the opposite.  Now is the time to give them as much freedom as possible while providing as much support and guidance as possible.  

3.     Be the gatekeeper for your children’s heart. You’re the parent.  You can set ground rules about who is allowed to influence them.  This is especially important for older children who are forming worldviews.  Encourage your children to be kind and loving to all but to be very selective when it comes to forming close friendships.  You can help by observing your children’s friends and keeping an open dialog with them about what’s going on with their friendships.  Don’t be deceived into thinking that your child won’t be affected by humanistic worldviews if that’s what they hear all day from the people they are around.   We’ve had to make some difficult decisions to remove our children from certain situations where negative influences were creeping in and it has been one of the best things we’ve ever done for them.

4.     Get involved in their lives and the lives of the kids they like to be with.  Make your house the cool place to be.   The safe place for friends to hang out.  If you are cultivating family relationships your children will likely enjoy spending time with you and sharing your family life with others.   This can also be a great opportunity to be a model and show love to your children’s friends.

5.     Keep communication open so kids will feel free to come to you with questions and concerns. When kids know that you have their best interest in mind, that you will love them no matter what, and that you will speak the truth, they have freedom to view you as their best advisor.  When kids decide that their parents aren’t really that wise, available or interested, they begin to listen to their peers more and get led astray.

6.     Guide them toward places where they will likely encounter friends who will build them up and encourage them to follow Christ.  As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.   This seems like a no brainer but if your kids aren’t around other Christians it can be hard to grow.  They don’t have to do things exclusively with Christians but the people they spend the most time with are going to influence them the most.  Jesus modeled this for us.  He was very selective about the friends he brought into his inner circle but he was loving to all and spent time investing in friendships with all sorts of people.  He was in the world but not of it.    Christian schools, home school groups, church, para-church organizations and school clubs are good places to find friends for your children’s hearts. 

7.     Have frank discussions about friendships.  What is a friend? What are important qualities in a friend?  How can you be a friend to others?  What kinds of people do you think you should let into your inner circle of folks who influence you?  How can you be a friend to those who believe very differently from you without compromising your faith?  

8.     Import friends.  Find like-minded families and get together.   There are other families out there who are parenting deliberately.  You’re not the only one who is choosing to use these teenage years to grow closer to your children rather than farther apart.  Find these families and cultivate relationships.  Do whatever you need to do to make it easy for your children to develop friendships with children you believe to be good influences. 

Again, you can’t choose your children’s friends for them but you can shape their environment so they have the tools in their box they need to make wise decisions about close friends.   

Without Him I Can Do Nothing

            (Originally published as "Flowering Deadwood" 10/4/11 on my previous blog.)
I am doing the Amazing Collection Bible Study on the Pentateuch right now. I highly recommend it!   The Pentateuch is a fancy name for the first 5 books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.  Many people are familiar with Genesis and Exodus but let's face it, Numbers and Deuteronomy don't get around much.  And Leviticus?  Only for the diehard.  You lost me at the burnt offerings.  At least, that's what it can feel like if you read these books on your own.   I've found it to be extremely helpful to study these books in a group like this or listen to sermons about them and read commentaries. There are a lot of amazing concepts in these books that can be lost on us because we live so far out of the original context.   But once we start learning what the books were saying to the people they were originally written for, we  begin to see God's exquisite hand.  His perfect plan of redemption is revealed starting in the beginning and running all the way through the entire Bible. These books have applications for our lives today!  Did you know that studying Leviticus will give you great insight into Hebrews?  Those burnt offerings? Very significant.

            This week we are in Numbers.  Wow.  There is so much in here!  One story has taken up residence in my mind and I've been meditating on it for a while now.  It's the story of Aaron's staff in Numbers 16-17.  Aaron was Moses' brother and the high priest in Israel.  Right before this story, Korah, who was a prominent Levite, and some other rebels challenged Moses' and Aaron's authority.   This was a dangerous thing to do because God had give this authority to Moses and Aaron.  So, in effect, these rebels were challenging God. You'd think that by now the Israelites would know not to do this.   Unfortunately, grumbling and complaining were their constant reaction when they didn't understand what God was doing.  So, instead of believing that God had appointed Moses and Aaron for His own perfect reasons, they raised their fists at Him and God judged them. At first, God said He would destroy all of them by a plague but Aaron offered incense and made atonement for the people.  In fact, Numbers says that Aaron stood between the living and the dead and God stopped the plague.    Just as Aaron stood between the living and the dead as an intercessor, Jesus (our Great High Priest) stands between life and death as our only hope of mediation between God and man and salvation.  

             Here's the other part that I love.  God puts an exclaimation point on this story by sending an instructive sign to Israel- and to us.  He tells Moses to tell all of the leaders from the twelve tribes to bring their walking sticks, mark them with their names and put them in front of the holy place over night.  They were to watch to see which one of these budded- because that would indicate which man God had chosen to be the holy high priest.  In the morning, they awoke and Aaron's staff had not only budded- it had sprouted, blossomed and produced almonds!   Way to go God!  This stick which everyone knew to be dead, was not only alive but thriving and reproducing!  

              Neat story but what does that mean for me today? Well, for me, there are a couple of applications.  First, I am like that dead stick.  There is nothing in me that is special or prone to budding.  I have the same chance as any other dead stick of becoming holy or producing buds on my own- none.  There is nothing in me that is holy.  But, because of a Holy God and His work in me, I have life.  Not only that, but He causes me to thrive when I am in Him.  The common and unholy is made holy by the power of the one who is Holiness itself.  In Revelation, the angels cry "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!"  This tri-repetitious Hebrew literary device is only used about one character trait of God- his holiness.  Aaron's staff was not returned to Him.  It was kept in the Ark of the covenant along with the stone commandments and the golden jar of manna as reminders of God's provision, law and holiness.  Aaron's budding staff is still a reminder of the power of God to bring holy life to his people.   

            Second, God may bless the work I do and make me fruitful, but it is only because of His grace and mercy,  not because of anything I add to the picture.  Any part of my being that is productive is only because of God's work in me, for without Him I can do nothing.  (John 15:5)  This is a great relief and blessing to me.  It is not all up to me to strive to make all things in my life "work out."  It is only up to me to choose to obey and follow the Lord's leading and rest in his plan for me.  So, I thank the Lord for taking a dead, unholy little stick like me and giving it life so that He would receive glory.  

Mourning Pansy's Opus

            I’ve been struggling with something the past few months and I finally had to confront it.  I used to have a sweet neighbor from Hong Kong across the street.  Her name was Pansy and she had the most magnificent yard in the whole neighborhood.  Pansy was in her 80’s, a widow, and had flawless pale skin and wispy, sophisticated silver hair that she always wore pulled back in a loose bun.  On Saturday mornings I would often hear the twangy, dissonant sounds of tai chi music as she taught students in her backyard.  She had taught at the local community college for years.

            Pansy took the stove out of her house when she remodeled years ago because she didn’t bake.  Her passion was gardening.  Every inch of her little quarter acre was lovingly planned and cultivated.  She had gardeners who managed the manicured hedges but she was always fussing at them because they never got it right.  She liked it just so.  The beds in the front yard were filled with purple and green oyster plant and a short variety of Mother in law’s tongue (sansevieria).  Everything in perfect proportion in color and height.  

Her side yard, which I looked at every day, had a huge shock of orange and pink heliconia along with  bird of paradise.  An imposing hedge of purple bouganvilla put a nice buffer between our yards.  From my kitchen window I had a view of the most effective agave border.  I had never seen it used in such a dramatic way- and it bloomed.  She told me once how often- every 10 years I think.  The blooms would shoot up about 6-8 feet in the air and I always got out my camera for the show when it did. 

She often invited me into her backyard for tea, where I would covet her bromiliads.  Varieties upon varieties.  Red, variegated, spotted, black, pink- everywhere.  There were ginger plants, succulents, fruit trees and ferns.  When her husband was alive they installed a waterfall which blended in seamlessly and felt as if it was natural.  Little stepping stones led to a white gazebo where she kept her orchids. 

One afternoon I went over to say hello to Pansy as I often did.  Just to touch base and be a friend.  She complained that she had just come out of the hospital and I chided her for not calling me to take her.  She had called someone else.  She had terrible stomach pain but she was feeling a little better so she decided to check herself out of the hospital.  Her homemade Chinese herbal remedies would be much better for her than the doctor’s poking and prodding.  It was Christmastime and I went back to the mainland to be with my family.  While I was there I got an e-mail from another neighbor.  Pansy had passed away.  Stomach cancer.  It was sudden.  I didn’t even get to attend her memorial service because we weren’t in town.  So just like that, Pansy was gone.  Out of my life.  But not really. The beauty in her yard continued to bring me a lot of joy.

             The house sat empty but her family paid the gardeners to maintain the yard while it was on the market, not quite as meticulously as when Pansy was here but almost. It looked lovely and reminded me of her.  I would go over and cut heliconia and weed the side yard to keep it tidy.  Of course, with no stove, it took a long time to sell.  Finally, after more than a year there was a buyer. 

When I met them the first thing I said was “you must the thrilled with the yard.  Imagine owning a home that is already meticulously landscaped and has 30 years of mature growth- a waterfall and a gazebo!  Pansy was a master gardener. Her yard was her opus.  It was one of the major selling points for you, wasn’t it? Are you plant lovers?”   

“No, actually, we hate the plants.  We don’t want to have to do any yardwork so we’re ripping out the plants and paving the whole yard.   We’re bulldozing the waterfall and tearing down the gazebo."   I was stunned and hoped that they would decide against it.  Unfortunately, one morning we heard a bull dozer and sure enough, everything in it’s path was doomed for the landfill. 

It became apparent that they were going to rip out every single plant so I went over and shamelessly asked if I could rescue some bromeliads.  I worked for half an afternoon saving as many as I could from the dump truck. The neighbors were destroying Pansy’s masterpiece- her yard.   It was unnatural.  In my more dramatic moments I thought that it was almost as if they had something against life itself. 

            Every day as I looked out of my window and drove past the house, new offenses to my well-developed sense of aesthetics started piling up. Laundry hanging out in the garage with the door up, trash cans on display in the front yard.  Junk left on the side of the house.  Weeds growing taller by the week. One day I got so distressed at the height of the grass where the agave hedge and bougainvillea used to be, that I got out all of my extension cords and cut the whole lawn- what was left- with a weed whacker.

Formerly landscaped side yard with flowers.

           Can you see what I was doing?  I was keeping a record of wrongs. They weren’t even really wrongs, they were just little sadnesses to me. Things weren’t going according to my expectations and I was disappointed.  Anger started to grow in the garden of my heart as I resented what they had done to Pansy’s memory and to the view I had enjoyed from my house. Anger was causing me to sin.  How could I see past and show love?

            I finally realized that anger had taken hold and that it was causing me to harden my heart against my neighbors.  I started to pray that the Lord would soften me and let me see the situation as He saw it.   The first thing He reminded me of was that I was seeing a real life illustration of what my sin looks like to Him and how it makes Him feel.  My resentment and anger were just as offensive to Him as their yard had become to me.   When I choose to disregard and neglect the beauty of His Word, it saddens Him.  He knows what could be.  He sees how much more lovely and fruitful my life could be if I cultivated His word instead of paving over it with the things of this world.  Secondly, He chastised me for allowing the temporal to cloud my view of the eternal.  Satan had almost taken me out on this one.  I got so myopic and selfish that I wasn’t seeing the heart of my neighbors and I wasn’t reaching out in love to them.  Thankfully, we serve a God of second chances.  He specializes in U-turns and when people repent he promises to forgive and restore.   (1 John 1:9)

            I wish I could tell you that they have hired a professional landscaper, cleaned up the junk and everything is bright and cheery over here.  It's not.  But that’s ok. Actually, it's not okay, I still struggle with feelings of resentment but I'm choosing to let the Lord get inside my heart and do some rearranging.   The Lord has given me a daily reminder of the effects of my sin and a renewed heart of love for the people he said I should be loving the most after Him- my neighbors.   

Till Death Do Us Part

Originally published 9/15/11.
2 Timothy 4:3

“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.  Instead, to suit their own desires they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” 

Marriage is difficult.  Even under the best of circumstances, there are challenges for every couple.  Add an illness like Alzheimer’s or cancer, or an accident that leaves one partner disabled, and the stress grows exponentially.  That’s why God requires us to enter into a covenant with our spouse.  When we say “I do”, we are promising that we will stay united with our spouse in sickness or health, for richer or poorer.  It comes off the lips so easily on our wedding day but what happens when we are faced with the realities of this promise?  Countless couples are doing just that. 

This week,(9/15/11) Pat Robertson said that Alzheimer’s is a "kind of death" that makes divorce justifiable.   On air, he counseled a man that it would be understandable to divorce his wife and marry another woman. The Alzheimers had altered the wife he knew.  She was nothing like the woman he had fallen in love with years ago.  She couldn’t remember him anymore.  

Robertson’s advice is completely contradictory to everything we read in scripture.  Marriage is a depiction of Christ’s sacrificial love for us, his church. (Ephesians 5:25-32)  He promises never to leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)  He loves us unconditionally.  Even when we have no capacity to love Him back.  In fact, that is the way we came to Him- completely without merit.  Nothing to offer.   

            If God only loved us when we were perfect and loveable, who could stand?  His glory is made manifest in the fact that He loves us, not because of the righteous things we have done but because of His mercy.  (Titus 3:5)  God is love.  Love was demonstrated to us in the crucified form of Christ.  He sacrificed his very life for His Bride, who could give nothing in return.  Our marriages should be reflections of this profound mystery. 

            In Matthew 25, Jesus tells his disciples that when they demonstrated servant hearted, sacrificial love to the “least of these” they were doing it unto Him.  He also had a harsh rebuke and condemnation for those who chose to live for self.    We are created to bring Him glory but we don’t get to decide how He will demonstrate it in our lives. Trials are God’s way of making us mature and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:2-4)  This is a mystery, but instead of looking for a way out of a trial  we should look to the Lord to walk us through the trial so that He can be glorified all the more.           

            Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church.   (Ephesians 5:25)   This analogy makes it clear that divorce because of sickness, irreconcilable differences, decreased capacity to demonstrate love, lack of usefulness, or falling “out of love”, is not an option for believers. 

How Hard Could it be? Make your Own Tamales

When we lived in San Diego many moons ago, my dear friend Ana's mother, Mafalda,  taught me how to make the best tamales ever.  I am forever indebted to her for taking the time to pass on this wonderful tradition.  Usually right after the feathers have stopped flying after Thanksgiving I get in touch with my inner Latina self and start the tamale machine rolling.  Actually, that is not quite accurate.  I start forming my tamale brigade.  Most of the members of my brigade are indentured family members but I am not above accepting anyone who looks strong and up to the task.  Tamale making is not for wimps. It takes a village to make a bunch of these suckers.  

I only do this once a year which produces a few problems. First,  I have to read through my recipe and try to remember what I did last year.  Fortunately, I have made this easier on myself by writing helpful notes at the bottom of the recipe.  "2006- a bit too dry.  Use more broth in the masa."  Next, I have to figure out how to wrap them.  Yes, after years of making them, every year I still look at a corn husk and say "How did I do that last year?" I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter.  Just wrap those babies up however you want and steam them.  Still, It takes me a while to get in the groove.  Finally, after 10 minutes of trying to assemble 1 tamale at a time per person I remember that doing it assembly line is best.  After that, it's smooth sailing.  

The whole process takes 2 days.  The first day I cook 13-20 lbs of pork butt in the crock pot, shread it and make the chile sauce.  The second day I make the masa add the gravy to the meat and assemble the tamales with my friends and indentured relatives.  

Since it is so labor intensive I always make a ton of these things at once.  Usually at least 8 dozen.  It's our tradition to eat them on Christmas eve.  They keep for months in the freezer and they make great lunches, dinners and snacks.  You just pop them in the microwave for about a minute and voila!  They're usually gone by February.  

Of course, there is no recipe for Mafalda's tamales.  I wrote the instructions down as I spoke to her on the phone one year trying to remember the steps.  This is not an exact science and I am sure I don't do it all correctly.  I know I can't do them as wonderfully as Mafalda but this is how I make them.  Feel free to experiment and change things up. Mine never turn out magazine perfect but they usually taste great.  As my mom always says- "You are the boss in your kitchen!"  

 Tamales

Ingredients

2 or 3 (3 oz.) pkgs dried chili pods—California/ New Mexico, or Pasilla

1 square chicken bouillon

1 bulb garlic

Boston butt, pork roast or pot roast, beef shoulder roast- any shredding meat --2 lb per dozen tamales

Onions- a bag

chicken broth—buy the large cartons of chicken broth 3-4.  You’ll use a lot.

2 T flour

cumin as desired

salt &pepper

tamale masa—2 or 3 bags

oil or Crisco- 1-2 tubs

baking powder

corn husks

2 lb. meat =a dozen tamales

Chile Sauce

2 or 3 (3 oz.) pkgs dried chili pods—California/ New Mexico, or Pasilla

1 square chicken bouillon

2 cloves crushed garlic

Put on gloves.  Open and clean seeds out of chilies.  Rinse under cold water.  Boil water and add bouillon to it.  Add chilies. Turn water off and cool.  Put chiles and garlic and some salt in blender.  Puree (add water to make it into a sauce consistency if necessary).  This sauce can be frozen.

Meat:
Can use beef or pork—or both

Boston butt, pork roast or pot roast, beef shoulder roast- any shredding meat

2 lb meat = 12 tamales

Roast meat in oven bags or crock pot.  Add onion, garlic, salt and pepper. 

Save all juices for gravy!! 

Shred or chop when cool. 

Gravy:

Use meat juices

chicken broth

½ onion chopped

1 clove garlic crushed

2 T flour

chili sauce as needed—use plenty for flavor

cumin as desired

salt

Sauté onion and garlic in saucepan in oil.  Add flour.  Add chili sauce and some meat juices.  Add chicken broth as needed.  Wisk together till it makes gravy.  Correct seasonings.  Make sure it tastes the way you want the tamale to taste—add other seasonings if you think they’d taste good.  I like to add cumin.

Add the meat to the gravy.  It should be a wet consistency-not too dry!  Don’t freeze cooked meat and use since you will have to freeze tamales later.  Make the day before.

Masa

Buy the bags of tamale masa at the grocery store and follow directions or :

2 ½ c. masa

½ c oil or Crisco

½ t. baking powder

1 t. salt

2 c. chicken broth or meat juice  (buy the big cartons of broth since you’ll be making a lot)

add a spoonful or so of chili sauce for color and flavor

Mix till fluffy.  This takes about 10 minutes.  You’ll need many batches of this stuff!  I’d buy at least 2 bags for a large tamale making party.

Corn Husks:

Buy dried corn husks- bigger is better --easier to work with. You need plenty because some will be rejects. 

Soak them in warm water and clean them.  Take all the strings off. 

Peel some ½ inch strips from the husks to use for tying the tamales together.  Set these aside.   I’ve also used raffia—but don’t get the colored kind because they bleed!

Putting them together: Corn Husk, Masa, Tamale Meat

There is no right way to do this so you can experiment:

The way I do it is:

For a large husk I use one

For small husks I put two overlapping together with large ends facing each other

Place the husk with the bumpy side down. Masa goes on the smoother side, which is curling up toward you.

then put a spoonful of the masa in the middle using the back of a serving spoon or spatula.  Spread the masa out like you are making a peanut butter sandwich (in a rectangle shape- not all over the husk). 

Next, put a spoonful of meat in the middle of the masa,  

Then roll it up like a tootsie roll and tie the ends with the husk strips (make a knot).  If the husk doesn’t’ go all the way around make sure to add another one to close the gap—there should be no tamale showing out side of the husks.  Other wise you’ll have problems with them leaking during cooking.  You want the tamale to be tight.

The tamales can be frozen like this or you can go ahead and steam them and then freeze them.  I cook first then freeze.

This is a 16" Chinese steamer with two levels.  They sell them in Chinatown in Honolulu for Maunapuas and other steamed dishes.  I love using it for tamales. This one can hold about 50.

To cook:

Use a large stockpot and put a veggie strainer in the bottom or something to keep them up off the bottom.  Add water to cover the bottom but not higher than the strainer—you don’t want tamales sitting in water.  Turn on the heat and start to boil slowly. Then place the talames in the stockpot.  Soak a washcloth and put it over the top.  You can put foil over this if you want—I don’t know if it helps, I just do it.   Put the lid on the pot.  Check it every once in a while and keep adding water down the inside edges of the pot so it doesn’t boil dry.  You want them to steam evenly.  (Careful not to get water inside the tamales). Steam for 1 hour. Eat immediately or freeze after they’ve cooled.  They can sit warming on the stove for a little while.  To eat after freezing: put in the microwave for about 1-2 minutes.

2006 Hawaii- 20 lbs meat made 9 dozen tamales. Fed 20 people and had leftovers.  Most people eat 2 or 3 max. 

Nota Bene: This is what happens if you turn your back while your 15 year old son is making tamales.  He makes a peanut butter and chocolate chip one.  Yes, it ended up in the steamer.  Yes, I sent him fishing for it so it didn't leak on all of the other ones.