A Letter to "Dad"

This morning after pressing delete a zillion times as I scrolled through the junk e-mail I received overnight, I stopped at one that completely intrigued me.   It read:  

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Now that I am starting into retirement and a fixed income, you are going to need to stop using our Exxon card.  Sorry but I need to budget more tightly.

Dad

Sent from my iPhone

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Seeing as my dad's name isn't the same as the writer of this e-mail , and the fact that I haven't used my dad's Exxon card in 24 years, it seemed to me that I was probably not the intended recipient.  I checked it out online and deduced that it was from a from real person and not some kind of scam.  Clearly, this was a case where a dad guessed his son's e-mail and got it almost right but not all the way right--so it ended up in my box.  

So much was said in this little e-mail.  Not so much in the words but between the lines.  So much to infer!  There's no salutation or mentioning of the son's name and no warm send off.  

If I was guessing I'd say that things are probably not all great at the Circle K.  I read it aloud to the kids and we started thinking about who these folks could be, what the relationship was like and what led to the situation whereby the dad sent the son this curt e-mail.  As happens often in our house, the conversation started to take all kinds of twists and turns as we started to weave a picture of how things might be. We decided that this might make an interesting creative writing prompt and so we ditched the day's English lesson and focused on our reply.     

First, we all agreed that what we should have replied was:

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Sir, you appear to have the wrong e-mail address.

Good day.

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However after much thought and entirely too much laughter here's what we finally sent off into the interwebs. 

Dad,

I immediately stopped using the Exxon Card as you asked, but I did make a few purchases that will show up on your next bill that you should know about.  You raised me to be tenderhearted and generous and I know you would have done the same things I did.   I completely understand about budgeting and being on a fixed income.  You’re very wise to spend your money so carefully. 

 I met a real sweet girl at the Flying J in Minot,  North Dakota.  She's a trucker with a nice triple digit ride but she's broke as a church mouse. She said she was on her way to Beantown but needed a fill up for her big rig, which was running on fumes.   I hope you don't mind but I helped her out and filled up her tank.  While I was doing that I noticed that her tires were looking a little ratty so I bought her a new set.  She really goes for the bling so I got the ones with the spinning spikes on them for the cab.  After thanking me profusely (I told you she was sweet) we decided to go out for dinner.  I suggested Denny's but she said she'd eaten there last week and she was thinking more like Ruth's Chris.  Never heard of it , but whatever.  Holy Moly I didn't know there were baked potatoes out there that were worth $17.00!  This one sure was though.  Delicious.  (I did order it with extra bacon- that added to the cost- totally worth it.) 

 While we were eating, I found out that she has two kids back in Beantown.  Cute as a button but both of them need dental work.  The older one needs a little psychiatric attention as well.  I set them up with an orthodontist and 6 months of family sessions with a shrink in Boston (the family plan was cheaper than individual plans). 

 She's really a girl after my own heart, Dad.  Can you believe she's a Labradoodle lover just like me!  Her Labradoodle is named Coco.  Poor dog is sick though.  Cancer.  (I know, it's terrible.)  Along with weeping allergic skin disease, bloat and urinary tract infections.  Poor thing finally succumbed to the cancer though.  Of course, she has no way to pay for all those medical expenses, much less a proper burial. I didn't either, so I put it on the card.  She was heartbroken as you can imagine so I bought her a new Labradoodle puppy. Same color and everything.  Still, it won't bring Coco back.  

As you can imagine, the events surrounding the untimely demise of Coco turned this sweet lady into a complete wreck.  She's was just exhausted and needed a bit of a break.  I suggested she get a mani-pedi at the Curly-Q Salon here in Minot but she said that Maui was really nice this time of year and they have great salons there.  Never heard of Maui, but whatever.  Apparently it's too far to drive so she needed plane fare for her (and the kids, of course).  Sounded reasonable so I obliged.   Apparently there's no Motel 6 on Maui but she booked a suite for 5 nights at the Four Seasons.  Whatever.  I put that on the card too.

Can you believe she still uses a flip phone?  I didn't' even realize those existed anymore. Of course I have an old Nokia so what do I know?   We went to the local Apple store and got her hooked up with an iPhone 5S gold version. The girl has great taste. I put the data plan and unlimited texting on your card also.  That will be be billed monthly with a two year contract.  On our way out, the  Apple "genius" suggested that we checked out the new MacBook Pro with retina display, 1TB of flash storage and 2.6 gigahertz quad-core Intel I7 processor with Turbo boost.  I wanted to go, but she was really enjoying her time away from the Flying J.  Next thing I knew, I bought 3 of those darn things!  Good thing she's so sweet.  

She doesn't think she'll be able to make it back to Beantown to see her kids by Christmas so I suggested that she send them a Christmas card.  She got all quiet and looked at me with these big puppy dog eyes.  How could I resist?  I got on Amazon that afternoon and sent those cuties some Matte Black Dr. Dre Studio Beats,  iPads a trampoline (hope their  mom won't mind) and a Twister game ( I love Twister).  Then I remembered that they live with their MeeMaw so I threw in a Snuggie and some therapeutic socks for her.  

I really had a nice time with this girll.  She eventually left for Beantown and said she'd catch me on the flip flop. Imagine my shock when I realized she skipped out on me. Haven’t see hide nor hair or her since.  I still have her phone number (from when I bought her that phone) but she never picks up.  

I guess I should give you an itemized list of charges so you won't fall over when you get the bill.  Are you sitting down?  

Flying J Big-Rig fill up - $900

Bridgestone- 18 wheeler tire set-$18,000

Tire spikes $150

Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, Minot, ND-$200 (extra bacon on baked potato was $7! Sheesh)

Boston Smiles Orthodontist

$10,000

Boston Psychiatric Associates

6 months of family sessions -$2600

Minot Veterinary services 

            Tumor removal- $1500

            Radiation treatment- $6,000

            Antibiotics $18

            Acme Dog cream- $50

A Bit of Heaven Pet Cemetery 

            Custom Plot- $1000

            20 year pre paid maintenance fee $700

            Pink Pet casket $280 (includes color interior with pillow and blanket)

            Headstone-$300

Pets R Us

             Labradoodle puppy $2500

            30 lbs Blue Buffalo Life Protection Dog food- $50

            Water bowl- $20

            Dog Diapers (starter set) $20

            Squeaky Dog Toy-$5

Delta Airlines 

            3 airfare from Minot to Kahalui  $3423

Four Seasons Resort at Wailea

            Suite for 5 nights $4864

Apple Store

            Iphone 5S gold 32 gig $749

            Data plan and unlimited texting (billed monthly) $50

3 MacBook Pros with retina display, 1TB of flash storage and 2.6 gigahertz quad-core Intel I7 processor with Turbo boost- $9,000

Amazon

            2 Dr. Dre Beats $600

            2 16 gig Ipad air $1,050

            15' Skywalker round trampoline $600

            Twister- $18

            Snuggie (Pink- size Large)- $10

            Women's Therapeutic socks- $18.99

Total: $53,200.99

Sorry if this blows the budget for last month.  I won't be charging anything else to the Exxon card.  Merry Christmas.

Your son.

Hoping that our reply met up with a person with a sense of humor we added:

Sir,

As you have probably gathered, your e-mail did not reach your intended recipient.  I have the same name as your recipient but I am not your son.  In fact, I am a middle aged woman with two children.  They helped me craft this reply. Hope it made you smile. 

Getting a reply back from the wrong e-mail address: priceless

Printable Mega Wall Maps for Homeschool or Just Plain Fun.

I love this idea!  Click on this link to Your Child Learns website which provides free printable maps of all sizes.  There are so many possibilities here!  Has anyone tried this?  I'd love to know how it worked.
Here's a quote from the website: "By coloring and writing on the map, students make it “their own”. Map work moves from rote to fun. The larger map format not only allows more detail because of its larger scale, it also makes it easy for several student to work together on one map. Students can each have a small map, while the teacher explains material on a larger map at the front. Maps to complement a variety of lessons. Have your students learn WHERE it happened."

Confessions of a Serial (plant) Killer

I'm starting to feel better about killing house plants.  I used to have some pangs of guilt after purchasing a hapless violet or a thriving schefflera at Home Depot knowing that once it was in my posession, it was toast.  Some people, like my grandfather, are born with a green thumb but I unfortunately, was not. I've always known this about myself and yet I can't help getting sucked in every year by the spring hyacinths and the poinsettias at Christmas.  They're all doomed once they are placed in my shopping cart, of course.  I pretty sure I've heard them let out little cries for help as they're wheeled out into the parking lot.

My latest victims are two 4 inch pots of fresh basil.  I found them at the grocery store on an end cap in the produce section. With an eye toward pesto,  I carefully selected the two most promising plants; both were wrapped up in cellophane and looked incredibly healthy.  How hard could it be?  I thought to myself.  I believe I can keep them alive for at least a few months.  Well, perhaps a few weeks.  Is that too much to ask?

You must keep in mind that I live in Hawaii where everyone feels good about their green thumb because things grow outside without any effort at all.  I have literally thrown "dead" plants out into the back yard only to have them come back at me bigger, better, and with blooms in just a few short weeks.

Unfortunately, as you no doubt already gathered from the title of my post,"bigger, better, and with blooms" was not to be the fate of my basil.  Despite my attempt to water it regularly and put it in a cheery spot on my windowsill, it croaked within about a week and a half of living under my roof.

C'est la vie.

I said I was feeling better about killing house plants.  I suppose that's a sign that I am, indeed, a certified serial (plant) killer.  A run of the mill plant killer feels more remorse than this I think.  It's starting to get easy for me.  In fact, I'm planning another trip to Home Depot tomorrow.  I hear they've got gerber daisies in.

Through Gates of Splendor

"The will of God is always bigger than we bargain for."  Jim Elliot 1952


There are certain books that I feel close to- like family.  Through Gates of Splendor is one of those books.  It was written by Elisabeth Elliot, wife of Jim Elliot and missionary to the Auca Indians of Ecuador.  In it she recounts the story of five missionaries, who because of their passion for the gospel, and their love for people, boldly flew into the jungle to share the message of hope to an unreached tribe.  All five men were martyred for their faith on that fateful day- January 8, 1956.  That was 57 years ago.

Before I read Through Gates of Splendor, I read Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control (also by Elisabeth Elliot).  Both books had a profound and lasting effect on me in high school.  Elizabeth is a gifted writer and communicator and she was able to clearly convey  her thoughts on dating, courtship and marriage in a way few others had done before.  Her relationship with Jim was a model for me as I formulated my ideas about finding and being a God-honoring mate.


If you have a middle or high school student these two books should be high on the reading list for them.    They inspire Christians to live with holy abandon.  Enjoy!


"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

A New Year's Grace

Last year I posted at the end of January declaring that the only resolution I usually keep is the one not to make any more resolutions (I Cannot Come Down).  I'm happy to say that I did in fact kept that resolution for 2012.  I wish I could say that for 2013 I am making a list and am determined to check off all sorts of excellent accomplishments one by one over the next 365 days.  The problem is that I know myself too well.  In the past I have had lots of good intentions at which I've failed spectacularly (keep my desk straight, eat more healthfully, tame the pile of paperwork, write for 30 minutes a day, pray for 30 minutes a day, exercise 30 minutes a day, keep some margin in my life, remember to take my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store, etc.).  We all know where the road paved with good intentions leads so I have started looking at the daunting task of New Years Resolutions in a different light.  Instead of piling on expectations for myself I'm choosing to live under the grace in which I stand in Christ Jesus and to rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (Romans 5:2).  

There's nothing wrong with setting goals and accomplishing them.  In fact, I require it in my home.  I am very motivated by the goals I set for myself.  God gives us the ability to be self controlled and self disciplined through the Holy Spirit and it would be foolhardy to decide to float through life reacting to whatever comes along.  

Sometimes though, I've been known to set goals without ascertaining whether they are goals that Drew wants or goals that Jesus wants.  Inevitably, when they are "because I think this is a good thing to do" me-centered goals they flop.  I put pressure and guilt on myself that He never intended me to bear.  Even the seemingly spiritual "read my Bible every day" if done in the flesh becomes more of a check in the box than a relationship builder between my Father and I as it should be.  Likewise as innocuous as the goals of keeping my desk straight or remembering to bring those bags to the store seem, I can beat myself up pretty badly when I feel that I've failed.  I tell myself that other people can do it and I should be able to do it too.  All of the little things that I don't have under control can combine into a viscious ball of guilt.  It's not that I am a total mess (usually) but I know I could do better.  

The problem with this thinking is that it is has a root in pride.  It all comes down to what I can do in my own strength.  Pride is my nemesis.    Apparently I am not alone because the Bible addresses this problem a lot.  Even the attempt at false humility is prideful- go figure!  Whatever I decide to take the reins of and control in my own power, without giving glory to God, (apart from Whom I can do nothing- John 15:5), is an object of pride.  My neat desk.  My organized homeschool.  My healthful meals. My 30 minutes of prayer.  My ("You go green girl!") reusable shopping bags.  

James 4 addresses my problem with laser precision. Read verses 1- 10:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴ You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? ⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but gives grace to the humble.”^[b]

⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

When the focus of my goal or of my asking God for direction or blessing is self-motivated instead of Christ-motivated it leads to unfulfilled, unholy desires and opposition from God.  The only way to change this is to humble myself under His mighty hand so He can lift me up.  It's no good trying to lift myself up through bootstrap will power and pride.  He only gives grace to me when my heart comes to Him in humility.  His Spirit in me "envies intensely'.  God will not NOT be glorified in me.  His plans for my life are perfect and He doesn't want anything in my life to take His place.  He says that the reason I want things and I don't get them is because I pridefully make plans instead of submitting myself to Him and drawing near to Him.

James goes on to say this in verses 13-17:

"Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins."

My attitude should be: If it is the Lord's will, I will live and do this or that.  I will live.  Indeed, unless it is His will I can't even live!  That's a great place from which to start- knowing that apart from Him I can do nothing. If my plans aren't His plans they aren't going anywhere.

So, again, there's nothing wrong with making plans or setting goals, expectations and hopes for yourself.  Formulating plans, goals and expectations and then asking God to bless them is wrong.  It's backwards.   Instead we ought to ask Him what we should pursue, submit ourselves to His will and leave room for His sovereignty and grace in all of our plans.  We need to hold them all with an open hand.  This is difficult because although I am no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6), I still live with the effects of my sinful nature. The tighter I hold on to my plans the more it hurts when God's plan is different from mine. That's why I am so thankful that He gives me more grace (v.6).  

Wouldn't you know, God is giving me more grace right this minute?  I am content to stand in this grace and wait to see what His plans are for me this year.  I'm going to try to ask Him what He wants for me and not make assumptions, goals, resolutions or plans without Him.     

 It's easy for me to understand that my life here on earth in this body is a vaporous mist, and yet I am living a real life with a real future (Jeremiah 29:11).  The prospect of a New Year is filled with all sorts of possibilities.  I look forward with humility and joy to the plans He has for me this year as He makes me more like Him by His grace.  

All is Neither Calm, nor Bright

A couple of weeks ago we went through all of the gyrations needed to uncover our Christmas decorations and start getting ready for the season.  As my husband pulled out the boxes from their hiding place I started feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I really didn't have time to decorate this year.  Our kids are teenagers. They probably wouldn't have squawked too much if I'd put up a Charlie Brown tree but I know how much it means to have the house ready for this special season so I determined to go ahead and put some things up- but not go full tilt like I do with many things in my life.  So, one evening we set up the pre-lit tree (all 1200 bulbs finally conked out this year) and a few of my nativity scenes I've collected over the years.   My husband buys them for me when he travels abroad and I buy ones I think are pretty or unique. One of my favorites is a little manger scene inside a coconut.


As I unpacked our biggest scene this year I realized that baby Jesus was nowhere to be found.  Wherever he was, Joseph was also there because Joe was missing in action as well.  We went ahead and put the scene up because it is a pretty one.  Over the past few weeks we've been carrying on a family joke as the kids mix and match baby Jesus in the various manger scenes so He's not always missing from the same one.

  Last  night I came home and looked at them on my sideboy near our dining room table, each of them depicting a scene of peaceful bliss as shepherds, wisemen, cattle, sheep, Mary and Joseph look lovingly towards the manger.  Those scenes are kind of unrealistic.  In fact, I bet He gets a little chuckle out of them sometimes.

Jesus was born in a stinky stable in a messy world.  Mary and Joseph were far from relaxed as they tended to Him in that barn.  Life must have seemed out of control to them.  God had reassured Joseph and Mary separately that He had a plan and that they were a part of it.  Mary's son was to be the long awaited Messiah.  They knew in their hearts that He loved them and that He was more powerful than their circumstances.  But it didn't change the fact that they were on an emotional rollercoaster and that much of what they were experiencing was confusing, uncomfortable and difficult.  Nevertheless, it was true.  God was on His throne and they were squarely in the middle of His will.

I can relate to the raw emotion of the first Christmas right now.  Everything is not all calm and bright these days and yet I know that He still reigns.  Thank you, Lord for being Immanuel, God with us!  Thank you that you know what it is like to be a frail human.  Thank you for giving me hope through your son, Jesus.  That little baby in the manger-  my Savior and the reason for the season.   Help me keep my eyes on You.

A Post to Say that I Will be Posting

Bear with me as I move some of my previous posts from my former blog over to this one so more of them are in one place.  Sorry to those of you who get updates when there's a new post- the next few will be repeats.