All is Neither Calm, nor Bright

A couple of weeks ago we went through all of the gyrations needed to uncover our Christmas decorations and start getting ready for the season.  As my husband pulled out the boxes from their hiding place I started feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I really didn't have time to decorate this year.  Our kids are teenagers. They probably wouldn't have squawked too much if I'd put up a Charlie Brown tree but I know how much it means to have the house ready for this special season so I determined to go ahead and put some things up- but not go full tilt like I do with many things in my life.  So, one evening we set up the pre-lit tree (all 1200 bulbs finally conked out this year) and a few of my nativity scenes I've collected over the years.   My husband buys them for me when he travels abroad and I buy ones I think are pretty or unique. One of my favorites is a little manger scene inside a coconut.


As I unpacked our biggest scene this year I realized that baby Jesus was nowhere to be found.  Wherever he was, Joseph was also there because Joe was missing in action as well.  We went ahead and put the scene up because it is a pretty one.  Over the past few weeks we've been carrying on a family joke as the kids mix and match baby Jesus in the various manger scenes so He's not always missing from the same one.

  Last  night I came home and looked at them on my sideboy near our dining room table, each of them depicting a scene of peaceful bliss as shepherds, wisemen, cattle, sheep, Mary and Joseph look lovingly towards the manger.  Those scenes are kind of unrealistic.  In fact, I bet He gets a little chuckle out of them sometimes.

Jesus was born in a stinky stable in a messy world.  Mary and Joseph were far from relaxed as they tended to Him in that barn.  Life must have seemed out of control to them.  God had reassured Joseph and Mary separately that He had a plan and that they were a part of it.  Mary's son was to be the long awaited Messiah.  They knew in their hearts that He loved them and that He was more powerful than their circumstances.  But it didn't change the fact that they were on an emotional rollercoaster and that much of what they were experiencing was confusing, uncomfortable and difficult.  Nevertheless, it was true.  God was on His throne and they were squarely in the middle of His will.

I can relate to the raw emotion of the first Christmas right now.  Everything is not all calm and bright these days and yet I know that He still reigns.  Thank you, Lord for being Immanuel, God with us!  Thank you that you know what it is like to be a frail human.  Thank you for giving me hope through your son, Jesus.  That little baby in the manger-  my Savior and the reason for the season.   Help me keep my eyes on You.

Kid's Close Friendships: Helping Them Choose Wisely

(Originally published January 2012 on my previous blog.)

“The righteous choose their friends carefully but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Proverbs 12:26

”Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

You can’t choose your children’s friends but you can help them choose close friends wisely.  One of the things that my husband and I agreed on early in our marriage was that we would parent deliberately.  We thought about all of the ways people prepare and plan for big tasks in their lives- weddings, SAT’s, medical boards, driver’s licenses- and yet how easy it is to slide into parenting without a game plan.  So, we spend a lot of time talking about how and why we are doing the things we are doing with our children.  Each phase of life requires re-evaluation and preparation.  Time is so short with them and we want to be good stewards of the responsibility He’s given us. 

Friends are one of those areas.  When kids are little it’s easy to arrange playgroups and be aware of the people they interact with, especially other children.  But as they get older, it becomes a little more difficult.  We see in Proverbs and

1st Corinthians that God has plenty to say to us about friends and how we choose them.  These are important concepts to pass on to our children.  First of all, we are told to choose our friends carefully because otherwise we may be led astray.  Next, we are warned against being deceived into thinking we can be around bad company and not be affected.  Teenagers can be especially vulnerable to both of these pitfalls.

This is where we’ve started implementing some strategies that you may want to consider as well.

1.     Pray for close Christian friends for your children.  God has been so faithful to our family in this regard.  My daughter has had three close friends move in the past two years but each one moved in just as the other was moving out.  He provided friendships in His perfect timing.    He listens and knows the desires of your heart. 

2.     Cultivate family relationships.  Friendships are very important and should be encouraged but we always have to keep in mind that our relationships with siblings and parents will last a lifetime.  Many parents in the name of “letting their children grow up” actually let them grow away from the family during the teenage years.  They buy into the myth that kids can only mature outside of their parents. I believe it’s just the opposite.  Now is the time to give them as much freedom as possible while providing as much support and guidance as possible.  

3.     Be the gatekeeper for your children’s heart. You’re the parent.  You can set ground rules about who is allowed to influence them.  This is especially important for older children who are forming worldviews.  Encourage your children to be kind and loving to all but to be very selective when it comes to forming close friendships.  You can help by observing your children’s friends and keeping an open dialog with them about what’s going on with their friendships.  Don’t be deceived into thinking that your child won’t be affected by humanistic worldviews if that’s what they hear all day from the people they are around.   We’ve had to make some difficult decisions to remove our children from certain situations where negative influences were creeping in and it has been one of the best things we’ve ever done for them.

4.     Get involved in their lives and the lives of the kids they like to be with.  Make your house the cool place to be.   The safe place for friends to hang out.  If you are cultivating family relationships your children will likely enjoy spending time with you and sharing your family life with others.   This can also be a great opportunity to be a model and show love to your children’s friends.

5.     Keep communication open so kids will feel free to come to you with questions and concerns. When kids know that you have their best interest in mind, that you will love them no matter what, and that you will speak the truth, they have freedom to view you as their best advisor.  When kids decide that their parents aren’t really that wise, available or interested, they begin to listen to their peers more and get led astray.

6.     Guide them toward places where they will likely encounter friends who will build them up and encourage them to follow Christ.  As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.   This seems like a no brainer but if your kids aren’t around other Christians it can be hard to grow.  They don’t have to do things exclusively with Christians but the people they spend the most time with are going to influence them the most.  Jesus modeled this for us.  He was very selective about the friends he brought into his inner circle but he was loving to all and spent time investing in friendships with all sorts of people.  He was in the world but not of it.    Christian schools, home school groups, church, para-church organizations and school clubs are good places to find friends for your children’s hearts. 

7.     Have frank discussions about friendships.  What is a friend? What are important qualities in a friend?  How can you be a friend to others?  What kinds of people do you think you should let into your inner circle of folks who influence you?  How can you be a friend to those who believe very differently from you without compromising your faith?  

8.     Import friends.  Find like-minded families and get together.   There are other families out there who are parenting deliberately.  You’re not the only one who is choosing to use these teenage years to grow closer to your children rather than farther apart.  Find these families and cultivate relationships.  Do whatever you need to do to make it easy for your children to develop friendships with children you believe to be good influences. 

Again, you can’t choose your children’s friends for them but you can shape their environment so they have the tools in their box they need to make wise decisions about close friends.   

Without Him I Can Do Nothing

            (Originally published as "Flowering Deadwood" 10/4/11 on my previous blog.)
I am doing the Amazing Collection Bible Study on the Pentateuch right now. I highly recommend it!   The Pentateuch is a fancy name for the first 5 books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.  Many people are familiar with Genesis and Exodus but let's face it, Numbers and Deuteronomy don't get around much.  And Leviticus?  Only for the diehard.  You lost me at the burnt offerings.  At least, that's what it can feel like if you read these books on your own.   I've found it to be extremely helpful to study these books in a group like this or listen to sermons about them and read commentaries. There are a lot of amazing concepts in these books that can be lost on us because we live so far out of the original context.   But once we start learning what the books were saying to the people they were originally written for, we  begin to see God's exquisite hand.  His perfect plan of redemption is revealed starting in the beginning and running all the way through the entire Bible. These books have applications for our lives today!  Did you know that studying Leviticus will give you great insight into Hebrews?  Those burnt offerings? Very significant.

            This week we are in Numbers.  Wow.  There is so much in here!  One story has taken up residence in my mind and I've been meditating on it for a while now.  It's the story of Aaron's staff in Numbers 16-17.  Aaron was Moses' brother and the high priest in Israel.  Right before this story, Korah, who was a prominent Levite, and some other rebels challenged Moses' and Aaron's authority.   This was a dangerous thing to do because God had give this authority to Moses and Aaron.  So, in effect, these rebels were challenging God. You'd think that by now the Israelites would know not to do this.   Unfortunately, grumbling and complaining were their constant reaction when they didn't understand what God was doing.  So, instead of believing that God had appointed Moses and Aaron for His own perfect reasons, they raised their fists at Him and God judged them. At first, God said He would destroy all of them by a plague but Aaron offered incense and made atonement for the people.  In fact, Numbers says that Aaron stood between the living and the dead and God stopped the plague.    Just as Aaron stood between the living and the dead as an intercessor, Jesus (our Great High Priest) stands between life and death as our only hope of mediation between God and man and salvation.  

             Here's the other part that I love.  God puts an exclaimation point on this story by sending an instructive sign to Israel- and to us.  He tells Moses to tell all of the leaders from the twelve tribes to bring their walking sticks, mark them with their names and put them in front of the holy place over night.  They were to watch to see which one of these budded- because that would indicate which man God had chosen to be the holy high priest.  In the morning, they awoke and Aaron's staff had not only budded- it had sprouted, blossomed and produced almonds!   Way to go God!  This stick which everyone knew to be dead, was not only alive but thriving and reproducing!  

              Neat story but what does that mean for me today? Well, for me, there are a couple of applications.  First, I am like that dead stick.  There is nothing in me that is special or prone to budding.  I have the same chance as any other dead stick of becoming holy or producing buds on my own- none.  There is nothing in me that is holy.  But, because of a Holy God and His work in me, I have life.  Not only that, but He causes me to thrive when I am in Him.  The common and unholy is made holy by the power of the one who is Holiness itself.  In Revelation, the angels cry "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!"  This tri-repetitious Hebrew literary device is only used about one character trait of God- his holiness.  Aaron's staff was not returned to Him.  It was kept in the Ark of the covenant along with the stone commandments and the golden jar of manna as reminders of God's provision, law and holiness.  Aaron's budding staff is still a reminder of the power of God to bring holy life to his people.   

            Second, God may bless the work I do and make me fruitful, but it is only because of His grace and mercy,  not because of anything I add to the picture.  Any part of my being that is productive is only because of God's work in me, for without Him I can do nothing.  (John 15:5)  This is a great relief and blessing to me.  It is not all up to me to strive to make all things in my life "work out."  It is only up to me to choose to obey and follow the Lord's leading and rest in his plan for me.  So, I thank the Lord for taking a dead, unholy little stick like me and giving it life so that He would receive glory.  

Mourning Pansy's Opus

            I’ve been struggling with something the past few months and I finally had to confront it.  I used to have a sweet neighbor from Hong Kong across the street.  Her name was Pansy and she had the most magnificent yard in the whole neighborhood.  Pansy was in her 80’s, a widow, and had flawless pale skin and wispy, sophisticated silver hair that she always wore pulled back in a loose bun.  On Saturday mornings I would often hear the twangy, dissonant sounds of tai chi music as she taught students in her backyard.  She had taught at the local community college for years.

            Pansy took the stove out of her house when she remodeled years ago because she didn’t bake.  Her passion was gardening.  Every inch of her little quarter acre was lovingly planned and cultivated.  She had gardeners who managed the manicured hedges but she was always fussing at them because they never got it right.  She liked it just so.  The beds in the front yard were filled with purple and green oyster plant and a short variety of Mother in law’s tongue (sansevieria).  Everything in perfect proportion in color and height.  

Her side yard, which I looked at every day, had a huge shock of orange and pink heliconia along with  bird of paradise.  An imposing hedge of purple bouganvilla put a nice buffer between our yards.  From my kitchen window I had a view of the most effective agave border.  I had never seen it used in such a dramatic way- and it bloomed.  She told me once how often- every 10 years I think.  The blooms would shoot up about 6-8 feet in the air and I always got out my camera for the show when it did. 

She often invited me into her backyard for tea, where I would covet her bromiliads.  Varieties upon varieties.  Red, variegated, spotted, black, pink- everywhere.  There were ginger plants, succulents, fruit trees and ferns.  When her husband was alive they installed a waterfall which blended in seamlessly and felt as if it was natural.  Little stepping stones led to a white gazebo where she kept her orchids. 

One afternoon I went over to say hello to Pansy as I often did.  Just to touch base and be a friend.  She complained that she had just come out of the hospital and I chided her for not calling me to take her.  She had called someone else.  She had terrible stomach pain but she was feeling a little better so she decided to check herself out of the hospital.  Her homemade Chinese herbal remedies would be much better for her than the doctor’s poking and prodding.  It was Christmastime and I went back to the mainland to be with my family.  While I was there I got an e-mail from another neighbor.  Pansy had passed away.  Stomach cancer.  It was sudden.  I didn’t even get to attend her memorial service because we weren’t in town.  So just like that, Pansy was gone.  Out of my life.  But not really. The beauty in her yard continued to bring me a lot of joy.

             The house sat empty but her family paid the gardeners to maintain the yard while it was on the market, not quite as meticulously as when Pansy was here but almost. It looked lovely and reminded me of her.  I would go over and cut heliconia and weed the side yard to keep it tidy.  Of course, with no stove, it took a long time to sell.  Finally, after more than a year there was a buyer. 

When I met them the first thing I said was “you must the thrilled with the yard.  Imagine owning a home that is already meticulously landscaped and has 30 years of mature growth- a waterfall and a gazebo!  Pansy was a master gardener. Her yard was her opus.  It was one of the major selling points for you, wasn’t it? Are you plant lovers?”   

“No, actually, we hate the plants.  We don’t want to have to do any yardwork so we’re ripping out the plants and paving the whole yard.   We’re bulldozing the waterfall and tearing down the gazebo."   I was stunned and hoped that they would decide against it.  Unfortunately, one morning we heard a bull dozer and sure enough, everything in it’s path was doomed for the landfill. 

It became apparent that they were going to rip out every single plant so I went over and shamelessly asked if I could rescue some bromeliads.  I worked for half an afternoon saving as many as I could from the dump truck. The neighbors were destroying Pansy’s masterpiece- her yard.   It was unnatural.  In my more dramatic moments I thought that it was almost as if they had something against life itself. 

            Every day as I looked out of my window and drove past the house, new offenses to my well-developed sense of aesthetics started piling up. Laundry hanging out in the garage with the door up, trash cans on display in the front yard.  Junk left on the side of the house.  Weeds growing taller by the week. One day I got so distressed at the height of the grass where the agave hedge and bougainvillea used to be, that I got out all of my extension cords and cut the whole lawn- what was left- with a weed whacker.

Formerly landscaped side yard with flowers.

           Can you see what I was doing?  I was keeping a record of wrongs. They weren’t even really wrongs, they were just little sadnesses to me. Things weren’t going according to my expectations and I was disappointed.  Anger started to grow in the garden of my heart as I resented what they had done to Pansy’s memory and to the view I had enjoyed from my house. Anger was causing me to sin.  How could I see past and show love?

            I finally realized that anger had taken hold and that it was causing me to harden my heart against my neighbors.  I started to pray that the Lord would soften me and let me see the situation as He saw it.   The first thing He reminded me of was that I was seeing a real life illustration of what my sin looks like to Him and how it makes Him feel.  My resentment and anger were just as offensive to Him as their yard had become to me.   When I choose to disregard and neglect the beauty of His Word, it saddens Him.  He knows what could be.  He sees how much more lovely and fruitful my life could be if I cultivated His word instead of paving over it with the things of this world.  Secondly, He chastised me for allowing the temporal to cloud my view of the eternal.  Satan had almost taken me out on this one.  I got so myopic and selfish that I wasn’t seeing the heart of my neighbors and I wasn’t reaching out in love to them.  Thankfully, we serve a God of second chances.  He specializes in U-turns and when people repent he promises to forgive and restore.   (1 John 1:9)

            I wish I could tell you that they have hired a professional landscaper, cleaned up the junk and everything is bright and cheery over here.  It's not.  But that’s ok. Actually, it's not okay, I still struggle with feelings of resentment but I'm choosing to let the Lord get inside my heart and do some rearranging.   The Lord has given me a daily reminder of the effects of my sin and a renewed heart of love for the people he said I should be loving the most after Him- my neighbors.   

Till Death Do Us Part

Originally published 9/15/11.
2 Timothy 4:3

“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.  Instead, to suit their own desires they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” 

Marriage is difficult.  Even under the best of circumstances, there are challenges for every couple.  Add an illness like Alzheimer’s or cancer, or an accident that leaves one partner disabled, and the stress grows exponentially.  That’s why God requires us to enter into a covenant with our spouse.  When we say “I do”, we are promising that we will stay united with our spouse in sickness or health, for richer or poorer.  It comes off the lips so easily on our wedding day but what happens when we are faced with the realities of this promise?  Countless couples are doing just that. 

This week,(9/15/11) Pat Robertson said that Alzheimer’s is a "kind of death" that makes divorce justifiable.   On air, he counseled a man that it would be understandable to divorce his wife and marry another woman. The Alzheimers had altered the wife he knew.  She was nothing like the woman he had fallen in love with years ago.  She couldn’t remember him anymore.  

Robertson’s advice is completely contradictory to everything we read in scripture.  Marriage is a depiction of Christ’s sacrificial love for us, his church. (Ephesians 5:25-32)  He promises never to leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)  He loves us unconditionally.  Even when we have no capacity to love Him back.  In fact, that is the way we came to Him- completely without merit.  Nothing to offer.   

            If God only loved us when we were perfect and loveable, who could stand?  His glory is made manifest in the fact that He loves us, not because of the righteous things we have done but because of His mercy.  (Titus 3:5)  God is love.  Love was demonstrated to us in the crucified form of Christ.  He sacrificed his very life for His Bride, who could give nothing in return.  Our marriages should be reflections of this profound mystery. 

            In Matthew 25, Jesus tells his disciples that when they demonstrated servant hearted, sacrificial love to the “least of these” they were doing it unto Him.  He also had a harsh rebuke and condemnation for those who chose to live for self.    We are created to bring Him glory but we don’t get to decide how He will demonstrate it in our lives. Trials are God’s way of making us mature and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:2-4)  This is a mystery, but instead of looking for a way out of a trial  we should look to the Lord to walk us through the trial so that He can be glorified all the more.           

            Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church.   (Ephesians 5:25)   This analogy makes it clear that divorce because of sickness, irreconcilable differences, decreased capacity to demonstrate love, lack of usefulness, or falling “out of love”, is not an option for believers. 

Hoarders and Vacuums

I don't watch much TV but the other day I ran across a program  about the lives of hoarders that completely drew me in.  Over the years I've read articles about the occasional New York spinster found dead in her apartment underneath piles of newspapers she collected.  One story that stuck out in my mind was about a man who died in his stuff but no one found him for three years because no one cared enough to check on him.  These incidents were anomalies, I assumed.  Surely, no one was really living this way.  Apparently, I was wrong.  According to the show, it is estimated that about 15 million people are completely encased in their posessions.  Many of them are not hermits or spinsters but have spouses, children, friends and co-workers.

The first time I watched one of these shows I sat there with my mouth wide open for the entire hour.  I just couldn't get over the amount of stuff these people had accumulated.  More shocking was the quality of the stuff.  Most of it was worthless trash.  Empty wrappers, old magazines, used items that were outdated or broken, all piled shoulder high.  These folks went to incredible lengths to move from one room to another, making little paths and climbing over their posessions.   Some of them had entire sections of their houses that were inaccessible.  One man ironically had to climb out of his fire escape and back in another window to get upstairs in his house because the stairway was impassable.  Important areas like kitchens, bedrooms and bathrooms had lost their functionality.  The hoarders were washing their dishes in the tub, eating with plates on their laps in front of the TV and sleeping in makeshift chairs or on the corners of bare mattresses while fleas, flies, roaches, mice and rats ran rampant throughout the house.

I must admit, my first reaction was one of disgust.  How could people allow themselves to get to this point?  I thought that compared to these homes, my piles of clutter made me seem like a minimalist from IKEA.  After this initial smug response, however,  my senses got ahold of me and I realized that these are real people, living in real houses, with an enormous amount of stuff and hurt.  It also dawned on me that at the heart of this disfunction was a feeling of utter emptiness and despair.  All hope and meaning were lost for these folks.  They felt unloved and helpless even when surrounded by friends, co-workers and family members who DID care.

Each of these shows follows a common pattern: they identify the hoarder, highlight their disfunctional lifestyle, identify past trauma and hurt as causes and then offer help to the hoarder change their life patterns and responses to the stress or grief that originally set off this behavior.  Hoarding is a very complicated problem and I don't have the medical background to analyze all of the causes and effects.  I can only see that the outcome of hoarding is the destruction of homes and more importantly, souls.  None of the hoarders I've watched claims to have peace.  They may say that they are comfortable with the filth, deception, disorganization, ludicrous work-arounds and constant aquisition of things but they never say they have peace.  All they say is that they feel compelled to obtain and hold on to stuff.  They are prisoners of their posessions.

This bring me to the root of it all: hopelessness and the search for meaning.  The desperate attempt to obliterate the emptiness and futility of life under piles of stuff.   Blaise Pascal said “There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.”  The hoarder is an explicit example of this but I am really no different than he.  At one time in my life I had a God-shaped void  as well.  I filled it with other things- not nearly so obvious as the hoarders I've seen but no less futile.  Left unchecked my quest to find hope where there was no hope could have led me down a path of destruction that would have been very obvious to others- like hoarding, substance abuse or materialism, exercise, eating, shopping, watching TV, improper relationships, any number of meaningless roads that lead to destruction.   In the end, the only lasting peace I found was in Jesus.  


Since I started thinking through my emotions about what I was witnessing on these hoarding shows, my heart has softened to these folks.   I see them as people who need what we all need: redemption, hope, peace and meaning for life.    There are not enough dump trucks in the world to haul away the sin we all bear.  No amount of human impetus and  effort can make a person's soul clean for all of eternity.  There's not a therapist in the world who can untangle all of the hurt and disfunction in the heart of men.   These things are found and freely given away for free in the only One who can fill up our hearts and set us free: Jesus Christ. 

You Have Made Us For Yourself

The Heavens Declare the Glory of God...Ps 19:1

        The kids and I finished an 8 part DVD series by John Piper called "The Blazing Center" for part of our Bible curriculum this year.  Great stuff. Tons to think about and jumpstart discussions concerning the sovereignty of God.   I recommend it for high schoolers and mature middle schoolers. The sessions were recorded during a youth retreat at his church and they have a very powerful message for teenagers:

God is really serious about His glory.

He lives to be glorified.  He will not NOT be glorified. 
In fact, he created the entire universe to bring Himself glory. 

Consider these passages:

Exodus 14:4 And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD.” So the Israelites did this.

Isaiah 48:11 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. (Refined you and tested you) How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.

Psalm 19:1The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands

        God is radically God-centered.  He is passionate about his own glory and He wants us to share that passion. In fact, the only way we can glorify Him is to treasure Him above all other things and find our complete satisfaction in Him.  He wants the chief desire and longing of our hearts to be Him. Only Him.

        This brings  up a good question.   Does God's pursuit of His own glory in all things make Him vain?   If we use the same measuring stick to measure God as we do people, it might seem so. That's because we perceive things differently than He does.  His thoughts and ways are not ours. (Isaiah 55:8)  Good thing. 

        If a person made these kinds of self exalting statements we would consider them to be arrogant at least and possibly even delusional because it is painfully obvious that no one is worthy of this kind of exultation. People shouldn't be worshipped. They shouldn't put themselves before everything else. This concept may be somewhat lost these days but for the most part we understand that it isn't "right" to seek our own glory.

        Nevertheless,  our culture is big on self aggrandizing affirmations.  It's not likely that many professional coaches are telling their teams that they should think of themselves with humility.  A parade of musicians, sports figures, polititians, advertisers and others are constantly proclaiming that they are the "best" and that no one even comes close to them.  Most of us read this stuff and wonder just who they think they are?  A gift to humankind?  God? 

        Yeah, that 's just it.  We recognize that people don't deserve to be glorified.  Even nice people.  Heck, even "good" people who do "worthwhile" things with their lives.  Even saints.  We're all flawed and we know it.

        People and things don't make us happy or satisfied.  A perfect God is the only one who is worthy of our complete satisfaction and worship.  After a life of looking for love in all the wrong places, Saint Augustine beautifully declared, " You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

         People spend their lives searching for the thing that will fill up the empty places in their souls-  that will lead to satisfaction and peace.   We all want to be happy.  We all want to have joy.  We all want to be satisfied. We look for it in power, money, relationships, work, substances and self gratification but those things never completely satiate our longing to be happy.  If God is truly a good and loving God, wouldn't he give His people what they want the most?  Wouldn't he want them to pursue happiness and have joy?

        The answer is yes.  God does want people to pursue happiness and have joy.  And the truth is, that happiness and joy can only be found in desiring Him.  God is the only Being whose best gift is Himself.    God's self-exultation is actually the greatest act of His love.  When He says "glorify Me", focus on me, worship me, pursue me- above all else- He is causing us to hold up the only standard, the only One who is worthy of honor and glory- Himself.  He is not being vain.  He is being the only thing He can be- love.  To tell us to pursue anyone or anything else but Him would be to substitute something imperfect for something perfect.  Nothing else will ever satisfy all of our longings like He will.   So, our pursuit of our own joy and happiness, is not in opposition to His pursuit of His Glory,  They are the same when we are completely satisfied in Him. 

Snowy Slopes and Straining Sludge

The day after Christmas my family packed up and headed to Breckenridge for a day of skiing.  I have to admit that my number one goal for the day was to get to the end of it in one piece.  If I had some fun, great.  If not, wholeness would be it’s own reward.  Neither of my children had skied before so we went straight to the bunny slopes for some instruction.  We weren’t able to work out joint lessons with “real instructors” for the kids so my husband and I looked at each other and said, ”How hard could it be?”  We each took a child and systematically showed them the basics.  There was lots of instructing going on. “Look at me,”  “Watch this,”  “Do this,”  “Try this,”  “No, don’t do that”.  

All day. 

You get my drift.  (No pun intended.  Ok, pun was intended.  Forgive me.) 

My husband and I already know how to ski but never once did it cross our minds to say, “Hey  guys, here are some poles and skiis.  There’s the lift- good luck!”  Ok.  Maybe once but we thought better of it.  Anyway, later it got me thinking.  That’s exactly what some Christian parents are doing these days with their kids and media.  They’re driving them to the slopes and then letting them out with an iPad and a prayer.  Completely unprepared or trained navigate the slopes of our culture. 

How should Christians respond to the remarkably powerful influence of the media that floods our society?   

1. Know the Word.  This is far and away the most vital step.  In fact, none of the rest of it is going to do any good unless you have this foundation. Reading, studying , discussing and memorizing the Word, there’s just no way around it. Truth cannot be ascertained from Error if we don’t know the truth and have it residing in our in-most being.  This concept is so common it is almost cliché but bankers and FBI agents know what the counterfeits are because they study the real thing. Anything that varies from the true deal is deemed counterfeit.  Children must have this ability in order to wade through the sludge of this world.  You are investing in eternity when you make scripture memory a part of your child’s education. 

2. You can and you SHOULD set boundaries in the area of media consumption for your children.  

We need to teach our kids that we are stewards of our media engagement.  We don’ t have to watch all of this. We don’t have to listen to it.  We don’t have to play.  We don’t have to go.  Sure, we can’t hide out in little holes and hope we never have to touch the world.  It’s our responsibility to be aware of what’s going on in the culture, but we do not have to be immersed in it.  In fact, we shouldn’t be. I think that’s what Jesus was saying when he told us to be in the world but not of it.  Young people are particularly vulnerable to media.  That’s why it’s so crucial for parents to act like parents and set boundaries. 

There is such a dearth of good content (that resonates Biblically) out there in media-land that sometimes it’s tempting to let some pretty sludgy stuff into our lives.  (“it’s not as bad as XYZ show”) As parents, this is something we must constantly evaluate.  Just because tons of people watch something doesn’t make it acceptable to bring into the temple of our minds and hearts.  There’s no reason to take in sludge just because we have a strainer.  We need to learn to slow the media flow down and control it, instead of letting it control us.    Don’t consume as much garbage.  Our primary consumption of ideas  should come through the written word.

3.  Find a systematic mechanism to teach your children Christian worldview.     

Parents absolutely must be deliberate in the training of their children in Christian worldview.  Make no mistake, your children are learning a worldview whether you are officially  teaching it to them or not.  Everyone filters their ideas through some sort of grid and if you don’t give them a grid to use (the Bible) they will filter it through the grid of the world- of humanism, secularism, postmodernism, and whatever is being put forth by their teachers and the media.  I recommend a systematic approach because it will cover all of the basic apologetics of Christianity.  Your children need to have ready answers for questions such as “Is there is a God and if so, what is He like?” (All worldviews have an answer to this question) and “ Is there Absolute Truth? If so, what does this mean for me?” They need to be able to read an article in the newspaper or listen to a song on the radio or watch a commercial on TV and be able to answer the questions: What is being presented here?  Why does it have such a powerful attraction to people?  What is the truth?  How do I come up with a Truth-based answer to the culture? 

If you’re not confident about how you would answer these questions, now is the perfect time to educate yourself along with your kids.  Don’t shy away from teaching systematic worldview just because you don’t feel qualified.  Make it a priority and qualify yourself through education.   I recommend using The Truth Project for high schoolers and mature middle schoolers but there are scores of other resources out there.  Choose one and do it. 

  

4. Spend more time reading.   Reading is an analytical activity as opposed to media consumption, which is highly emotive. When you read, you have the ability to stop and think about what you have read.  Media just keeps going.  We should be reading more than watching and reading broadly as well as historically.  We must understand history from a Christian perspective. Every Christian parent  should be able to give an intelligent answer to their children when they ask: “how did we get to this point in our culture?”  If you are a bit rusty on your history of the world from Ancient Rome to Postmodern times, I highly recommend getting a highlighter and copy of “How Should We Then Live” by Francis Schaeffer and reading it this weekend.  He has written an excellent and concise analysis of what he calls “The Rise and Decline of Western Thought and Culture”.  It should be required reading for all Christian high schoolers and those who wish to understand these times.  As George Santayana, an American philosopher and poet said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”  It’s shocking how predictable the future of cultural norms is when you understand the past.

Thankfully, many Christian families have embraced the idea of reading as entertainment (i.e. reading excellent literature aloud even into the upper grades) and of getting back to the “great books” of the Western Canon.  This is the foundation of the Classical Education movement, especially in home schools and Christian schools.  As a result, there are many more children reading and thinking critically about the future in light of the past.  I find this very encouraging considering the times in which we live.

Nutty but fun.  

So,  where are you in all of this?  Take some time and evaluate your readiness as far as training your kids to respond Biblically  to media and the culture.  If you're on track, keep moving in the right direction and if you haven't left the station, get going.  Wherever you are, God will give you the insight and strength to train you children if you surrender to him and give Him control of this area of your life.

We're all in process.  I'd love to hear where you are and how God is working in you as you train your children in responding Biblically to media and the culture. 

I Cannot Come Down

That's me on the top, in my orange bathrobe.

We're at the end of January and I am remembering that I have a love/ hate relationship with New Years resolutions.  The only one I've been completely successful in keeping is the one deciding never to write any more resolutions.  It certainly makes sense to stop and think about what I should improve on during the year.  January 1st is the perfect time to wipe the slate clean.  Out with the old, in with the new.  The thing is, I know myself and I know that I usually do not have the self-control and determination to keep half of the promises I make to myself.  I usually slide into February disgusted with myself for not even being able to keep my desk straight for the obligatory 21 days it takes to form a new habit.

Part of the problem with many of the resolutions I have made in the past is that I haven't been completely on board with them.  They aren't true passions of mine.  Exhibit A: neater desk.  I'm creative, I've got a lot running in the background of my life. Lots of responsibilities, projects and ideas.  There is no moss growing under my desk.   Having a neater workspace would be nice but it doesn't resonate in my gut that this is completely necessary, therefore, it doesn't move to the top of my list of things to spend my time doing (until the piles get so big that even I can't stand it any more).

So, what IS necessary?  Since I'm a Christian, this question by nature has to involve God.   If I desire to follow the Lord and live for Him, it changes the question to: what is necessary for me in light of what God is doing in my life?  To paraphrase Henry Blackaby, where can I clearly see God working around me and how can I join Him there by focusing on the things He has for me to do right now?  Not what He has other people doing or what I think I should be doing, but what He has clearly given me to do.

Earlier this month I was talking to my mom and dad about a book project I am working on. I know that this is something the Lord started in my life and that He wants me to finish it but sometimes it feels like the process is taking too long and it's easy to get distracted.  They both encouraged me to keep working and to make this the year that I finish it.

My dad sent me a link to a sermon by Andy Stanley of North Point Church in Georgia.  It was a simple message but an important one.  He recounted the story of Nehemiah, a Jewish man who was a Persian king's cup bearer.  Basically, Nehemiah tried the wine before the king tasted it.  If Nehemiah died after the first sip, the king would know that one of his enemies had tried to poison him.  High stakes work.

Nehemiah found out that Jerusalem was in bad shape and that the walls were laying in piles of rubble all around the city.  Nehemiah boldly asked the king for some time off to go to Jerusalem so he could  try to rebuild the wall.  Not only did the king allow him to go but he also made Nehemiah the governor of Jerusalem and gave Him everything he needed to build the wall.  The wall had been torn down for so long that  the city would have had a "kick me" sign on the front gate if they'd had one.  Jerusalem was completely vulnerable.  Because of this there was no sense of national pride or- more importantly- understanding that God was with them.  Nehemiah came to the conclusion that although there were lots of problems that needed to be addressed in the city, there was one thing he absolutely had to do: to rebuild the wall around the city so the people would be protected and recognize that God was with them.

He gathered the citizens of Jerusalem around and laid out the problem, the solution and the vision for the people.  As the Jews made progress while they were building,  their enemies started to get concerned and defensive.  They sent spies, infiltrated their workers, and sent armed forces to attack the men working on the wall.  These folks caused lots of problems but the Jews kept building.

When it was almost complete, one of Nehemiah's enemies, Sanballat, tried to distract him and get him off the wall so he could kill him and stop the building of the wall.  He sent a deceptively friendly sounding letter to Nehemiah saying,

"Hey Nehi, Why don't you come down so we can talk for a while?"

Nehemiah had a profound answer for Sanballat:

"I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."

The work God gave Nehemiah was not going to be thwarted by a distraction. Nehemiah was focused on the one thing God had clearly given him to do.  Build the wall.

Nehemiah goes on to ask Sanballat, "Why should I stop and come down to you?  How does spending time with you benefit the work I am doing- that God gave me to do?"

Satan doesn't make it obvious that he is using "good" things in our lives to distract us from the the great work God has called us to. In fact,  those things often appear deceptively benign, like Sanballat's invitation to spend time with Nehemiah.  Satan never tells us that He is trying to destroy us and the work God is doing through us- he just leads us off through distraction and other things my husband calls "bright shiny objects."

So, the take away from this passage is: what is the one thing you need to do?  What great work has God given you, that you need to focus on completely without distraction or interruption- until it is finished?  A relationship? A habit? A project? A ministry? A business?  Ask God to show you the thing, and then climb up on that wall and complete the task.   I would add that this must me done while abiding in Him.    Without Him we can do nothing.

For me, the one thing is actually two: this book project and my commitment to homeschooling with excellence.  For both of these, I can say with Nehemiah, "I am doing a great thing, and I cannot come down."  I will not be distracted by what others are doing or by what they want me to do, or even by what I think I should be doing.  There are plenty of good things out there but only the things that God has given to me specifically are beneficial for me to spend time on.

So, as far as New Years resolutions go, I'm still resolved not to make them.  At least not without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I am, however a big fan of asking the Lord, what would you have me to do?  And then resolving to be fully committed to climbing up on the wall and doing those things in His strength.

PS: I have fixed the problem with comments so please try again!

Parks and Prayers

I have a friend from Australia and one day when we were driving around together we scored a great space in the front of the store we were going to.  "Yea! I love it when I get good parks!"  she exclaimed.  That cracked me up.  It's true, small things like a space up front can really make my day.  We have her to thank for a new favorite family saying.  That reminds me of something we're studying in school right now- the book of Ephesians.  Yes, my parking dilemnas make me think of the Bible. :)

We're taking a month and reading through this tiny letter every day and then taking time to talk about it, meditate on it and pray through it. This is a book packed with wisdom and insight for believers. Small but mighty.   I find when I read the same thing over and over in scripture, instead of getting old, it gets better.  Funny how that never happens with anything else.  I'd never consider reading a newspaper article more than 30 times.  And even if I did, I'd never expect to glean much more than I did the first time around.  God's Word isn't like that though.  There is such a depth to it that there is no way to exhaust it.  Start reading cross references and meditating on each verse and it's as if a whole new world opens up.  It always makes me smile when I find a new connection or thread tying scripture to scripture.  I shouldn't be surprised but sometimes I am.

While in prison, Paul wrote Ephesians to his fellow believers at the church in Ephesus.  He loved these folks because he had established their church during his third missionary journey (Acts 19) and spent about 3 years as their pastor.  After he left, Timothy pastored the flock for about a year and a half, mostly because there were some movers and shakers in the church who were teaching false doctrine.  It's interesting that even at that early stage in the church, there were Christians who were being led down the wrong path by folks claiming to be believers, who spoke with authority and confidence, but didn't really know the truth.  (1 Tim. 1:7)

There are only 6 chapters in Ephesians.  The first three are focused on theology and doctrine, and the last three are practical insights into Godly living.  In chapter one, Paul starts off reminding the Ephesians of the indescribably vast riches they posess in Christ.  Not only are they (and we) blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms right now, but also in the past and the future!  God chose us before the foundation of the world to be adopted as sons and in the future he will gather all things together to Himself and we will receive an inheritance that we could never imagine.

And why did God chose to save us?  Because of His own pleasure and will, for the praise of His glory. 

Paul prays a fervent prayer for these believers in Ephesians 1:15-23.  What a contrast to prayers I often find myself offering up.  "Lord, bless me today, keep me safe, help me find good parks."  These words he prays spill out from his understanding that we should set our minds on things above, not on earthly things..because earthly things are temporal but heavenly things are eternal. (Colossians 3:2) Paul is praying for those he loved with eternity in mind.  These are words I can turn right around and pray for those I love as well.

Lord, thank you for this person I love.  Father, would you please give them a spirit of wisdom and reveal knowledge of Yourself to them?  Please open their spiritual eyes of understanding so that they may know the hope of your calling and the vast riches of the inheritance they have in You.  Lord, let them know that the same power that You used to raise Jesus from the dead is working in them because they believe in you.  After You raised Jesus from the dead, you seated Him at your right hand in the heavenly realms.  Jesus is above all principality, power, might, dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the that which is to come.  All things are under His feet and he is head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.  

This prayer is very similar to the prayer Paul prays for the church in Colossae in Colossians 1:9-12.  In that prayer, he also prays that these believers will walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

These are powerful words to pray for those we love, and even for ourselves.  As believers we know that outwardly we are wasting away but inwardly we are being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16)  I believe that God hears all of my prayers- even the ones for parking spaces- and I also believe that if that is the extent of my prayer life for the day, I am missing out on a fabulous conversation and immeasurable blessing.  My prayers should reflect the hope of eternity and the incredible riches that I have in Jesus.

Mourning Pansy's Opus

            I’ve been struggling with something the past few months and I finally had to confront it.  You see, I used to have a sweet neighbor from Hong Kong across the street.  Her name was Pansy and she had the most magnificent yard in the whole neighborhood.  Pansy was in her 80’s, a widow, and had flawless pale skin and wispy, sophisticated silver hair that she always wore pulled back in a loose bun.  On Saturday mornings I would often hear the twangy, dissonant sounds of tai chi music as she taught students in her backyard.  She had taught at the local community college for years.

            Pansy took the stove out of her house when she remodeled years ago because she didn’t bake.  Her passion was gardening.  Every inch of her little quarter acre was lovingly planned and cultivated.  She had gardeners who managed the manicured hedges but she was always fussing at them because they never got it right.  She liked it just so.  The beds in the front yard were filled with purple and green oyster plant and a short variety of Mother in law’s tongue (sansevieria).  Everything in perfect proportion in color and height. 

Her side yard, which I looked at every day, had a huge shock of orange and pink heliconia along with  bird of paradise.  An imposing hedge of purple bouganvilla put a nice buffer between our yards.  From my kitchen window I had a view of the most effective agave border.  I had never seen it used in such a dramatic way- and it bloomed.  She told me once how often- every 10 years I think.  The blooms would shoot up about 6-8 feet in the air and I always got out my camera for the show when it did.

She often invited me into her backyard for tea, where I would covet her bromiliads.  Varieties upon varieties.  Red, variegated, spotted, black, pink- everywhere.  There were ginger plants, succulents, fruit trees and ferns.  When her husband was alive they installed a waterfall which blended in seamlessly and felt as if it was natural.  Little stepping stones led to a white gazebo where she kept her orchids.

One afternoon I went over to say hello to Pansy as I often did.  Just to touch base and be a friend.  She complained that she had just come out of the hospital and I chided her for not calling me to take her.  She had called someone else.  She had terrible stomach pain but she was feeling a little better so she decided to check herself out of the hospital.  Her homemade Chinese herbal remedies would be much better for her than the doctor’s poking and prodding.  It was Christmastime and I went back to the mainland to be with my family.  While I was there I got an e-mail from another neighbor.  Pansy had passed away.  Stomach cancer.  It was sudden.  I didn’t even get to attend her memorial service because we weren’t in town.  So just like that, Pansy was gone.  Out of my life.  But not really. The beauty in her yard continued to bring me a lot of joy.

             The house sat empty but her family paid the gardeners to maintain the yard while it was on the market, not quite as meticulously as when Pansy was here but almost. It looked lovely and reminded me of her.  I would go over and cut heliconia and weed the side yard to keep it tidy.  Of course, with no stove, it took a long time to sell.  Finally, after more than a year there was a buyer.

When I met them the first thing I said was “you must the thrilled with the yard.  Imagine owning a home that is already meticulously landscaped and has 30 years of mature growth- a waterfall and a gazebo!  Pansy was a master gardener. Her yard was her opus.  It was one of the major selling points for you, wasn’t it? Are you plant lovers?”   

“No, actually, we hate the plants.  We don’t want to have to do any yardwork so we’re ripping out the plants and paving the whole yard.   We’re bulldozing the waterfall and tearing down the gazebo."   I was stunned and hoped that they would decide against it.  Unfortunately, one morning we heard a bull dozer and sure enough, everything in it’s path was doomed for the landfill. 

It became apparent that they were going to rip out every single plant so I went over and shamelessly asked if I could rescue some bromeliads.  I worked for half an afternoon saving as many as I could from the dump truck. The neighbors were destroying Pansy’s masterpiece- her yard.   It was unnatural.  In my more dramatic moments I thought that it was almost as if they had something against life itself. 

            Every day as I looked out of my window and drove past the house, new offenses to my well developed sense of aesthetics started piling up. Laundry hanging out in the garage with the door up, trash cans on display in the front yard.  Junk left on the side of the house.  Weeds growing taller by the week. One day I got so distressed at the height of the grass where the agave hedge and bougainvillea used to be, that I got out all of my extension cords and cut the whole lawn- what was left- with a weed whacker.

Formerly landscaped side yard with flowers.

           Can you see what I was doing?  I was keeping a record of wrongs. They weren’t even really wrongs, they were just little sadnesses to me. Things weren’t going according to my expectations and I was disappointed.  Anger started to grow in the garden of my heart as I resented what they had done to Pansy’s memory and to the view I had enjoyed from my house. Anger was causing me to sin.  How could I see past and show love?

            I finally realized that anger had taken hold and that it was causing me to harden my heart against my neighbors.  I started to pray that the Lord would soften me and let me see the situation as He saw it.   The first thing He reminded me of was that I was seeing a real life illustration of what my sin looks like to Him and how it makes Him feel.  My resentment and anger were just as offensive to Him as their destruction had been to me.  When I choose to disregard and neglect the beauty of His Word, it saddens Him.  He knows what could be.  He sees how much more lovely and fruitful my life could be if I cultivated His word instead of paving over it with the things of this world.  Secondly, He chastised me for allowing the temporal to cloud my view of the eternal.  Satan had almost taken me out on this one.  I got so myopic and selfish that I wasn’t seeing the heart of my neighbors and I wasn’t reaching out in love to them.  Thankfully, we serve a God of second chances.  He specializes in U-turns and when people repent he promises to forgive and restore.   (1 John 1:9)

            I wish I could tell you that they have hired a professional landscaper, cleaned up the junk and everything is bright and cheery over here.  It's not.  But that’s ok. Actually, it's not okay, I still struggle with feelings of resentment but I'm choosing to let the Lord get inside my heart and do some rearranging.   The Lord has given me a daily reminder of the effects of my sin and a renewed heart of love for the people he said I should be loving the most after Him- my neighbors.